The Fairy Canyon Chronicles
by InfiniteUniverses
Summary: Private Lucy Heartfilia of the Red Army has just been deployed to Fairy Canyon, a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. She's told that all they do, all day, is watch the other team watch them. Soon, things begin to pick up, and more than likely, the Red and Blue Team will have to work together to stop all the craziness happening around them.
1. 1-0: Intro

Hey, I'm actually posting something I wrote. I actually wrote this a while ago, but I reread it, and I said, 'this is some good shit right here if i do say so myself'. Now, obviously, I only have three chapter done, and one half-done, but they're actually pretty short, since regular RVB episodes are short too. Each team while have a chapter from their perspective each "block", like a regular RVB episode, so hopefully this will work.

Other than that, I hope you enjoy this fic!

* * *

 _Dear Mother,_

 _You remember last time when I realized that I could join the army to get away from father and go on adventure? I finally did it. A couple months ago, I joined the Red army and I've been sent to a base. I'm away from father, but I'm not sure about the adventure part._

 _This Red base is in the middle of a box canyon called Fairy Canyon. The only other thing in here aside from rocks is the blue base, all the way over on the other side. Apparently, the Red base is here to keep the Blues from finding an object that could help them win the war-but we don't know what that object is. The Blues have the same objective. A better order probably would have been to find this object before Blue team._

 _Fairy Canyon doesn't look very exciting at first-mainly because it isn't. According to Corporal Fullbuster, all we do is sit around all day watching the Blue team, and all they do is sit around watching us. At least my teammates are . . . interesting. I've only been here a couple days, but I can already tell they aren't . . . normal._

 _We're led by Sergeant Erza Scarlet, who wears, surprise, scarlet armor. She's probably the only serious soldier around here, and the best one too. I can tell because she beat up Private Dragneel, Fullbuster and Loke in under five minutes. We share quarters and she has a lot of spare sets of armor, and all apparently have different abilities. I have no idea where she got them. I also think that she has nightmares. I haven't gotten used to our quarters yet so sleep hasn't been nice, and I've heard her wake up in the middle of the night. I would ask her what's wrong, if I wasn't scared of her._

 _Private Loke is a womanizer, which is all I know right now. He's hit on my countless of times and I've kicked him in the face each time. Sergeant Scarlet gave me permission to do that. Loke doesn't hit on her though, I think he's knows it's for his own good. He's also the one wearing orange armor._

 _Corporal Gray Fullbuster is okay. He doesn't talk much unless he's bickering with Private Dragneel. He's a bit icy, but at least he doesn't hit on me like Loke. According to Private Dragneel, he has a stripping problems and almost never wears his clothes underneath his armor purely on accident because he sheds them as he puts on his armor . . . but this is coming from Natsu, and the two aren't on the best of terms. He's in maroon armor._

 _Speaking of Natsu . . . Private Natsu Dragneel is the second strongest member on the team. He has this special armor that has a flamethrower built in, so he can shoot fire. He also other armor enhancements that need an AI to work. His AI's name is Happy. Happy is sweet, but he also pisses me off sometimes. This special suit is called a Dragon model, and Natsu's here because apparently this thing we need to stop the blue team from getting is so important that we need to have a Dragon here. I wish I knew what we were guarding._

 _But Natsu's pretty cool. He's nice and has been talking with me since I got here. He eats a lot and tries to fight with everyone-except me. I can't tell if I should be offended or thankful, but I'm going with thankful. He's always wears a scarf under his suit, so I'm guessing it's some sort of keepsake from home. I've haven't seen him without it yet. His armor is red with orange trim._

 _As for the Blue team, I don't know much about them. Apparently they have two Dragons: their Sergeant, Laxus Dreyar and a guy named Gajeel Redfox. Natsu and Gray only tell me that they're 'dicks' and don't give me any other any information about the enemy. Either it doesn't matter, or they don't want me to know something._

 _I have to go now. I'm on duty. Time to stand on the roof and watch the Blue team watching us._


	2. 1-1: Red: As Bullets Pass By

Lucy walks up the stairs to the roof, where a figure with red and orange armor is standing, sniper rifle in hand, and currently looking down the periscope at the parallel base in the distance.

"Anything new Natsu?" Lucy asks as she walks up beside him, her yellow armor in bright contrast to his red and orange armor. Lucy's learned that no one states anyone formally around here, so she only did it in her journal.

"No. There never is," Natsu states. "Oh wait, this is new for you. Gajeel's on guard duty."

Lucy squints and look into the distance at Blue base. Standing on the roof were two blue figures: one in standard blue, and a taller one in blue and gray. Dual-color armor is the sign that they're a Dragon.

"So?" Lucy asks. A bullet whizzes between them and Lucy jumps back. Natsu doesn't flinch.

"He gets bored and does that," Natsu explains.

"Shouldn't we do something about that?" Lucy asks, a bit worried.

"No, he doesn't try to his us," Natsu replies. "And he's done it so many times it's lost its charm."

"Lost its charm?" Lucy repeats, questioning Natsu's choice of words.

Natsu looks to her, "It's no longer interesting. It isn't fun or even funny. It's just annoying by now."

"How would it ever be fun?" Lucy continues to question Natsu's sanity.

Natsu shrugs and looks down the periscope, "It was something different and actually gave some life to this canyon, but now it's just a part of another day in Fairy Canyon."

"Ah," Lucy realizes. Another bullet whizzes by the back of her head and she jumps towards Natsu, even though she now knows that it isn't going to hurt her. This was the most exciting thing that has happened to her today, and that was definitely saying something. "Do you ever shoot back?"

"No," Natsu replies, staying silent for one moment. "We did shoot back once. But Erza didn't know. Laxus attacked even though we didn't hit any fucking thing. Like, holy fuck is that guy a dick. He and Erza argued about the validity of the shot but eventually they went home. And Erza kicked my ass."

Another bullets shoots by, but by Natsu's head. He doesn't move.

"One day, I'd like to shoot back at that son of a bitch, but aim for his head," Natsu sighs.

"That doesn't sound like a good idea Natsu," Natsu's AI appears. He's just a tiny blue man made of out light sitting on Natsu's shoulder.

"True," Natsu agrees. "But I'd like to do it. And given the chance, I would do it."

"I don't doubt that," Happy replies. He turns to Lucy. "Hi Lucy!"

"Hi Happy," Lucy greets the AI. She decides to steer the conversation away from shooting Gajeel in the head. "So Natsu, what type of Dragon is Gajeel? You said you were a fire Dragon, right?"

"Aye!" Happy answers this as another bullet goes over Natsu's head. "Natsu's a fire Dragon because his special ability is flamethrowers! Gajeel is a metal Dragon because his special ability is magnetism!"

"Interesting. And Laxus's?" Lucy askes.

"Laxus is a lightning Dragon. He shocks people," Happy continues. "But he doesn't have an AI so he can't do all the other cool stuff like run faster and be stronger."

"Like us! Which is why we're better!" Natsu points out.

"Aye!" Happy agrees.

"How many other soldiers are over at Blue base?" Lucy asks. No one else has told her yet, so she can start by asking Happy. Once again, she was just told that they were all dicks.

"Six! Laxus, Mira, Gajeel, Juvia, Cana, and Elfman!" Happy answers.

"How did you get all of this information?" Lucy questions.

"The internet!" Happy replies proudly.

"Plus Happy has a large database about every solider in each army that has ever existed," Natsu adds. "So the longer they've been in the army, the more information he has."

"I don't have much for you Lucy," Happy explains. "Other than that your armor's yellow and you're weird."

"How am I weird?" Lucy gets defensive. She would punch the AI if it wasn't just a hologram.

"I dunno, you just are weird," Happy explains with a shrug. As he does so, a bullet passes through him. Lucy begins to laugh. "Hey!" Happy protests. "This is an act of war!"

"Gajeel can't hurt you like this," Natsu points out. "You're in my head, remember?"

Happy pouts, "It's still rude."

"Well, that's karma. You insulted me, and you got shot," Lucy argues.

"I don't think that's how karma works," Natsu points out.

"Probably," Lucy agrees. She looks into the distance and squints her eyes, "Is there any way I could use the sniper rifle for a moment?"

"Hell no. I just wrestled this bastard from Gray and no one's getting it now."


	3. 1-2: Blue: As Bullets Pass By

Hey! I'm going to try and update twice a week because each "chapter" is split into two parts, so on Sundays and Wednesdays. I have the dates planned out on my calendar, and they stretch all the way into mid-November, so as long as I kept on writing a bit a day, the deadlines shouldn't catch up on me. Besides that, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

* * *

"Holy shit the Red team got a new team member?" Gajeel lowers the tip of his sniper rifle so he can turn to Juvia. "That's fuckin' unfair. Those bastards."

"Gajeel," Juvia looks him in the eye through their helmets. "The Blue team has six members, compared to the Red team's once four, now five."

"Still, its shit," Gajeel growls looking back down the sights of the sniper rifle. He starts to set his aim between the person in yellow armor and Natsu, the other Dragon.

"Yes, how dare the Red team try to get an advantage or at least even the odds against the Blue team? It's not like that's an actually military strategy or anything," Juvia replies.

"When did you get so sassy?" Gajeel looks away for a second. "Weren't ya just gushin' about yer crush on the other team?"

Juvia scoffs, "Leave Corporal Fullbuster out of this."

"Ya don't even know his first name!" Gajeel argues. "Or what they even look like!"

"Juvia doesn't care," Juvia replies.

"He's other the other team!"

"Love defies all boundaries."

"Does he even know you exist?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Juvia does not care because one day she will be able to confess her love and he will know," Juvia replies.

Gajeel goes back to lining up his shot.

"Gajeel better not be doing what Juvia think he's doing."

Gajeel fires the rifle and it goes straight in between Natsu and the newbie in the yellow armor. The newbie jumps back in surprise, but Gajeel doesn't even get a rise out of Natsu.

"Gajeel," Juvia gets Gajeel attention. He turns his head. Through their helmets, Gajeel could tell that she was trying to give him a death stare.

"What?" he asks, trying to sound innocent.

"Gajeel sucks."

Gajeel turns back to his rifle, "Tell me something new." He begins to line up another shot, just to the newbie's left away from Natsu.

"Gajeel."

Gajeel takes aims.

"Gajeel no."

He fires. The newbie jumps towards Natsu again and almost into his arms. Gajeel chuckles silently to himself, and doesn't bother looking at Juvia.

"Gajeel stop."

"I agree."

Gajeel sighs, looking to the little black holographic man standing on his shoulder, "Fuck off Lily."

"No, Pantherlily should stay," Juvia argues.

"This is senseless," Pantherlily argues. "Save the ammo for the real fight."

Gajeel begins to line up a shot right above Natsu's head, which leads him to come to a bright conclusion.

"Ya do realize that I could just shoot that idiot in the head and then we don't have ta deal with another Dragon in the canyon?" Gajeel says.

"That doesn't sound like a good idea," Pantherlily argues.

"Right," Juvia agrees.

Gajeel shoots, and it flies straight over Natsu's head.

"Please stop," Pantherlily asks.

"Maybe," Gajeel shrugs. "Oh hey! Natsu's AI's shown up! Bet ya I can hit 'em!"

"That's the most idiotic idea I've heard all day," Pantherlily points out. "And you wondered if you could eat screws with cereal. Metal screws."

"Shudap Lily," Gajeel grumbles as Juvia giggles.

"Where was Juvia when she missed that?" Juvia asks Pantherlily.

"You were already up, and regulation time. Gajeel slept in another hour," Pantherlily explains, and Gajeel can feel Lily glare at him in his mind.

"I was up late tryin' ta fix the Warthog," Gajeel argues.

"You were adding a surround sound stereo!" Pantherlily argues.

"Great, now the blue team can blast polka music even louder when we attack the reds," Juvia says.

"I'm tryin' ta find another channel in this godforsaken canyon," Gajeel growls. "Ya know what? I'm takin' the shot. I'm gonna shoot the little blue bastard on that son of a bitch's shoulder."

"Gajeel needs anger management," Juvia points out. Gajeel shoots, and the bullet goes straight through the hologram.

Gajeel grins behind his helmet, "Bullseye."

"Has that made you feel better?" Pantherlily asks.

"Yes," Gajeel sets the sniper rifle down so he can lean on it. "Because I've just reminded everyone here what a great shot I am. I doubt anything can bring my day down now, ever you two."

"TEAM MEETING IN FIVE!" the _wonderful_ voice of their _glorious_ sergeant rung through the base and out to the roof of the fortress.

Gajeel sighs. "Never mind."


	4. 2-1: Blue: Team Meeting

In the main room of the blue base, the blue team surrounds their _mighty_ commander, AKA Sergeant Laxus Dreyar, clad in blue and yellow armor.

There are six members of the blue team in total: Gajeel Redfox, the other dragon dressed in blue and gray armor; Juvia Lockser, the last member of the team to join wearing standard blue armor; Mirajane Strauss, Laxus's unofficial second-in-command, known as the 'the Demon' for a reason, wearing dark blue armor; Cana Alberona, who has been at the base the longest, next to Laxus, dressed in light blue armor; and Elfman Strauss, Mirajane's little brother the powerhouse, and in teal armor.

"So, what bullshit from command do we have today?" Cana asks before Laxus can open his mouth.

"I'll get to that," he replies in a low voice. "First off, it appears that Red Team got a new recruit, in yellow armor. That means that the odds for them are getting better."

"I think you forgot that they have Erza Scarlet leading their team. She probably is worth three soldiers, so they're ahead of us," Mira points out. Mira and Erza have had a rivalry since training, and though it seems to have mellowed out, it really hasn't.

"I'm worth at least two soldiers," Gajeel boasts, Pantherlily still standing on his shoulder.

"True, you do have that AI in you," Mira replies. Gajeel grumbles something while Cana high-fives her.

"Well, whatever," Laxus tries to pretend that doesn't happen. "We'll need to be on alert in case Erza decides to make a move now that they have a larger force, but that's not important at the moment. What is important is that Blue Command has decided to send in a new weapon."

"Will it work?" Cana asks.

"The last weapon they sent would be working just fine," Laxus retorts. "If it included instructions."

"Did you ask for instructions this time?" Mira questions.

"From what it sounds like it's already in one piece," Laxus says.

"But it's just what it sounds like," Mira points out.

"It's a vehicle anyway so Gajeel will be able to assemble it," Laxus concludes.

"Why couldn't Gajeel build the last weapon we got?" Cana asks.

"Because I ain't got a degree in robotics," Gajeel answers. "An' anyway, it looks better on my wall than it would look in the field."

Juvia sighs and presses her hand to her helmet, "Gajeel that thing is hideous."

"Yer not even in my room, so who cares?" Gajeel retorts.

"Can we please stop bickering?" Laxus raises his voice, and everyone stops. "Thank you. The weapon will arrive by air drop, anywhere from today to two weeks, so be alert. With this, we'll have an advantage over the Reds. Any questions?"

As Laxus stops, the whistle of a falling object can be heard growing, until loud thud slams against the ground causing the base to shake. The Blue soldiers manage to keep their balance, and as it settles they look around.

"I think our weapon came," Mira informs Laxus.

"No shit," Gajeel grumbles. Mira hits him in the back of the head with her gun.

"Let's go look at it," Laxus commands. He leads the Blue Team to the front of the base, where their new weapon is sitting in all its metallic glory. They're all stunned by the massive size of it.

Gajeel speaks first, "Holy fuckin shit."


	5. 2-2: Red: Team Meeting

"Team meeting!"

Erza's voice is easily herd throughout the empty base, and echoes onto the roof.

Natsu sighs as he turns around, "Let's see what Red Command has to say now."

"Why? Is it usually bad?" Lucy asks as she follows Natsu down the set of stairs to the main room.

"No," Natsu answers. "It just means that we have to do stuff."

Down in the main room, Gray and Loke had already gathered, in marron and orange armor respectively. Erza is standing at the front of the group, ready to address everyone.

"What's the problem?" Gray asks first now that everyone is there.

"Red command just sent us a new message," Erza begins. "Simply, the Blue Team will be getting a new weapon within the next two weeks."

"Is it going to be like that robot that they never built?" Loke asks.

"Hopefully," Erza answers. "But if it is another weapon they can't assemble, please do not steal parts this time and try to launch it back at them with the grenade launcher."

There's a silence that follows, and Lucy knows that the message wasn't directed to her or Loke.

"Did we get a new grenade launcher yet?" Natsu asks. Lucy, Erza and Loke sigh.

"The order hasn't been processed yet," Happy answers seriously.

"Red command usually takes weeks to do anything," Gray says. "I'm surprised that we even got this order as early as we did."

"Well part of the whole grenade launcher fiasco is your fault," Loke points out.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Gray argues. "Fucking over the Blue Team? Isn't that our job?"

"Our job is to stop the Blue team from finding a weapon that could win them a war, and since they couldn't even build the robot, I do not classify what happened with the grenade launcher under that," Erza explains.

"What even made you think that trying to stuff robot parts in a grenade launcher was a good idea?" Lucy asks Gray.

"That," Gray growls, looking at Natsu. "Wasn't my idea."

Lucy turns to Natsu. Natsu shrugs, "Irony."

"That's not irony," Lucy points out. "Irony means an event that has an outcome deliberately contrary to what was thought to happen."

"We're not here to learn literary terms Lucy, we're here to fight," Natsu argues.

"No Lucy's right, that's not irony," Gray interjects. "What you did was just plain stupid."

"You went along with it!" Natsu accuses.

"You went ahead with it before I could say anything!" Gray counters.

"Enough," Erza stops the bickering. Gray and Natsu automatically shut up. "The weapon can arrive any day by air drop."

"Noooooo," Natsu, Gray and Loke groan. They know what's coming.

"So we'll need an around-the-clock guard to know when they get the weapon," Erza concludes. "Natsu, you can takes first shift."

There's a pause. Natsu looks around, "Right now."

"Yes, right now," Erza answers.

"Aye aye sir!" Natsu replies quickly. He runs up the stairs back up to the roof to man the lookout.

"We'll go in the usual cycle," Erza continues. "Lucy, you can go after Natsu."

"Yes ma'am," Lucy replies.

"Until the weapon arrives, be alert, we'll need to move at a moment's notice," Erza finishes. When she's done speaking, a distant whistling sounds can be heard until something crashes into the ground, causing tremors to shake throughout the canyon.

"HOLY FUCK!" Natsu yells. "A FUCKING TANK JUST DROPPED OUT OF THE SKY!"


	6. 3-1: Blue: Grand Theft Auto

"Holy fuckin shit," Gajeel gasps. "It's a tank."

"MANLY!" Elfman yells.

"So you were right Laxus," Mira turns to Laxus.

"I was expecting like, a four wheel drive or something, not a tank," Laxus grumbles.

"Maybe Blue command wants us to actually, destroy the Red team or something," Cana suggests.

"How does it even work?" Juvia asks.

Laxus shrugs.

"This is just like the robot," Mira sighs.

"Why doesn't someone get in it and try to ride it?" Cana suggests.

"Dibs!" Gajeel shouts.

"You have motion-sickness," Pantherlily reminds.

Gajeel grumbles something along the lines of 'stupid AI and motion-sickness'.

"Then just re-calibrate the Dragon suit," Laxus suggests.

"You can do that?" Gajeel asks. Laxus nods his head. "You can do that?"

"Apparently," Lily answers.

"Fuckin AI," Gajeel grumbles under his breath.

"Calibration done," Pantherlily announces. "You can get in."

"Alright!" Gajeel hops into the tank. "Alright, let's see, how to turn this on . . . ."

"Is there a power button?" Elfman suggests.

"No," Gajeel sneers.

"It's right there," Pantherlily points out.

"Oh, it's right there," Gajeel corrects.

"And Gajeel's supposed to be the mechanic," Juvia sighs.

"Shaddup," Gajeel growls. He presses the power button and the engine of the tank begins to purr. "Ah right, this is soundin' good."

"Hello," a new voice speaks up, sounding like it's coming from the tank. "Welcome to Lullaby."

"Lullaby?" Gajeel asks. "What type a stupid name is that?"

"Mine," Lullaby replies. "I am an AI who helps run the tank."

"Was there supposed to be an AI?" Mira asks.

Laxus shrugs.

"Very helpful," Mira sighs.

"Maybe he can be yer AI sergeant!" Gajeel teases.

"I'm not getting into anyone's suit," Lullaby interjects.

"Shaddup," Gajeel presses a random button. It starts blasting polka music. He tries pressing the button again, but the polka music won't stop.

"Gajeel," Laxus sighs. "Get out of the tank."

"I thought it was the sound button!" Gajeel argues.

"It is," Lullaby replies.

"They why don'tcha turn oFF THE FUCKIN POLKA MUSIC!?" Gajeel shouts over the tunes.

"No," Lullaby answers.

"Gajeel," Laxus growls. "Get out."

"I can fix this!" Gajeel says. He presses the sound button again, but it only makes the polka louder. "COME ON!"

"Elfman," Mira asks. "Could you drag Gajeel out of the tank?"

"No problem," Elfman replies. He walks over to the tank, grabs Gajeel by either arm, and pulls him straight out of the tank and onto the ground. The polka music suddenly stops.

Gajeel glares at the tank and gives it a light kick, "Fuck you." The polka music turns back on. "FUCK YOU!"

"Gajeel apologize," Mira orders.

"What!" Gajeel says.

"You did kick it," Laxus agrees.

"I'm not apologizin' to a machine!" Gajeel argues.

"Then Juvia hopes Gajeel likes polka music," Juvia says.

"It was the one that kept on turning on the polka music!" Gajeel defends himself.

"I don't think he likes you Gajeel," Pantherlily says.

"So it's the tank's fault!" Gajeel argues.

"You kicked it," Cana replies.

"I'm not apologizing to a fucking tank!" Gajeel says.

"Apologize," Laxus growls. The buzz of electricity starts up, and the air around Laxus begins to tingle. "Now."

"Alright," Gajeel sighs. He turns around. All that's left is a car radio blasting polka music.

"Well," Cana begins. "That's one way to stop the music."

Laxus looks out into the canyon and says, "Fuck."

The rest of the team turns to see the Red team driving the tank back to their base comfortably.

Laxus growls again, "Fucking Reds."


	7. 3-2: Red: Grand Theft Auto

I know nothing about tanks or accordions.

* * *

"On the roof!" Erza barks. "Now!"

They didn't need to listen. They all run up to the roof and join Natsu, looking across the canyon at the tank that the Blues were now admiring.

"Well," Loke sighs. "We're fucked."

"Give me the sniper rifle," Erza orders.

"But I just wrestled this from-" Natsu tries to argue.

"Now," Erza adds. Natsu forks it over. She looks through the scope at the Blues. Lucy squints, and she sees Gajeel climb into it. Erza hands the rifle to Lucy, much to Natsu's surprise, but Erza doesn't care, "We need to move fast. Natsu, Gray and Loke, you're all coming with me. Lucy, you'll stay back here and act as guard."

"What are we even doing?" Gray asks.

"We're going to steal a tank," Erza answers. "Let's move out." Erza leaves the roof with the boys following her.

"How are we even going to do that!?" Natsu asks loudly, but soon they're all gone.

Lucy, with the sniper rifle, is able to track them as they slink along the walls of the canyon, easy to see in their red armor. Somehow, the Blues haven't seen them yet, but they're probably too busy with whatever is blasting polka music over there.

Lucy watches her team approach the tank as the Blues seem to be arguing. The polka music is enough of a cover for them, so they get closer with each pump of the accordion. Lucy can see a man in teal armor lifts Gajeel out of the tank and sets him down. The polka music stops and the whole team freezes. Gajeel kicks the tank and the polka music starts up again, so the Reds continue moving.

Lucy takes a deep breath in as watches Erza climb into the seat of the tank. Somehow, no one on the Blue team have noticed her. Erza seems to be messing around with the tank, and rips out something that looks like a car radio. She drops it as Gray and Loke jump onto the tank, and they drive off, Natsu trailing them with his armor enhancements.

Lucy breathes out when her team is half-way across the canyon but she's still watching the Blues. They finally notice that their tank is missing, surprised to see only a car radio left. As the tank parks outside of the base, a man in blue and yellow armor, presumably Laxus, steps on the radio, ceasing the polka music.

Lucy lowers the sniper rifle to look at her team.

"We got the tank!" Natsu announces.

"What were they even arguing about?" Lucy asks.

"Who knows?" Loke shrugs.

"How did you even drive the tank?" Lucy then asks.

"Back at the Tower, where I was before Fairy Canyon, we had tanks like these," Erza explains, patting the side of the tank.

"Which again continues to prove that Erza's the only one in the Canyon that actually knows anything about war," Loke adds.

"Thanks for getting me out of that mad house," a voice from the tank says.

"Huh?" Lucy says. Everyone whips their heads around to look at the tank.

"Anyway," the tank continues. "I am Lullaby, the AI that runs the tank."


	8. 4-1: Red: This Means War

I still know nothing about tanks.

* * *

"Holy fuck," Natsu swears.

"Well fuck you too," Lullaby replies.

"Why were you apart of the weapon to the Blues?" Erza asks.

"Maybe he was supposed to go to Laxus," Loke suggests.

"Hell no," Lullaby answers. "I'm here to run the tank."

"Why are you called Lullaby? That's a weird name," Natsu asks.

"Your AI is named Happy," Lucy points.

"Oh right," Natsu realizes. "Never mind."

"Good, Lullaby is a way better name than Happy," Lullaby boasts.

"Hey!" Happy appears on Natsu's shoulder. "Happy's a cool name!"

"Not it isn't," Lullaby shoots down.

"Please stop being so malicious," Erza orders Lullaby.

"No," Lullaby says. "Fuck you."

"So if you won't follow orders then what are you going to do?" Erza counters.

"Whatever I fucking want," Lullaby points out. "I'm a tank. How are you going to stop me?"

Erza doesn't say anything, but she flips up the hood of the tank and messes around with the engine.

"Hey! What are you doing! Do not stick your hands in there!" Lullaby protests.

"We would do this to enemy tanks at the Tower," Erza explains, slamming the hood shut. "You're immobile until someone reverses it."

"Fuck you," Lullaby answers.

"Now what?" Gray asks.

"Fuck you too," Lullaby continues.

"Yeah we now have an interrupting AI on our hands," Loke adds.

"And fuck you."

"We need to be on guard," Erza instructs. "The Blues will be coming to get their tank back."

"Fuck all of you."

"But it can't move," Natsu points out.

"I am going to reverse that. Just wait and see."

"Yes, which means that they can't take it," Erza replies.

"I will be moving as soon as I reverse it. You fuckers will never see me again."

"Oh," Natsu says.

"So, Natsu and Gray, guard the tank. Loke, you'll be on guard duty with Lucy. I'll try and figure out how to remove the AI from the tank," Erza instructs.

"Fuck you again."

"Are we clear?" Erza asks.

"Aye!" the team replies.

"Good," Erza says. "Move out."

Erza and Loke walk back into the base, and within the minute Loke's on the roof with Lucy. Gray and Natsu take their positions on either side of the tank, facing the Blue base.

"I always knew Happy was a little shit, but that AI is just plain rude," Lucy says to Loke when he joins her.

"I heard that!" Lullaby shouts. "And right now, I am reversing the silly technique your sergeant pulled on me!"

"Shut up you stupid machine," Gray says, and knocks the hood of the tank with the butt of his gun.

"If I still had the radio you pulled out of me, I would start blasting polka music," Lullaby swore.

"So how does it feel to have the sniper rifle?" Loke asks, ignoring Lullaby's insults.

"All I know is that I can see clearly now," Lucy replies.

"Speaking of the sniper rifle," Natsu turns to face Lucy. "Can I have it back?"

Lucy doesn't waste a moment to reply, "No."

"Aw."

"Fuck your stupid sniper rifle."

"SHUT UP!"


	9. 4-2: Blue: This Means War

"What's the plan?" Mira asks. The team moved back inside Blue base now that their tanks was stolen by the Reds.

"We're going to steal it back," Laxus growls.

"Great plan," Mira replies. "That's going to work."

"Do you have better one?" Laxus asks.

"We can distract them, get them away from the tank before stealing it," Mira suggests.

"But why can't we just flat-out steal the tank from them?" Gajeel questions. "Like hold 'em up?"

"They also have guns," Juvia points out. "Gajeel doesn't jump someone if they have weapons on them."

"Uh . . . how do you know that?" Elfman asks.

"Not important," Juvia shrugs it off.

"Anyway," Laxus moves on. "Are there any other ideas?"

"We actually don't know what they can do with the tank," Cana points out. "From what it looks like Erza was driving it. So that means that she knows how to use it."

"She did serve somewhere else before here," Mira adds. "She must have learned over there."

"Well that definitely adds to the conversation," Laxus says. "Is anyone standing guard?"

"I dunno," Gajeel replies. "We're all inside."

"Elfman, go check," Laxus orders.

"Yes sir!" Elfman replies, and runs upstairs to the roof to check it out. He comes back within a minute, "All their soldiers are outside accept for Erza."

"We'll still out-number them either way," Gajeel points out.

"As I said earlier, Erza counts for three soldiers," Mira repeats.

"But she's not out," Laxus argues. He pauses a moment to think, "We'll have to move out immediately, take the Warthog."

"So they can hear us coming from a mile away?" Mira asks.

"So we can get there faster," Laxus corrects. "All of us. We'll force them to give us the tank back."

"This is a manly plan!" Elfman declares.

"I guess this is the best we can come up with," Cana sighs.

Laxus ignores everyone, "Let's move out."


	10. 5-1: Red: Lullaby the Rude Tank Engine

"And once I reverse this, I am going to shoot up everything!"

"Do you ever shut up?" Natsu asks Lullaby.

"No," Lullaby answers.

"Honestly, can this get any worse?" Gray asks. "We stole an asshole tank from the Blues who are going to come and get us, and I'm stuck doing guard duty with you."

"Lucy and Loke are here too," Natsu points out.

"They're doing their own thing," Gray replies. Natsu looks up, and it seems like they're actually exchanging in civil conversation without Loke hitting on Lucy . . . at least not yet.

"Oh," Natsu says.

"Yeah," Gray replies.

It's silent again, and not even Lullaby is trying to fill in the silence.

"Jeez, I'm so used to doing guard duty with Lucy that I forgot how boring it is," Natsu begins. "Especially with you."

"Are you trying to say something?" Gray asks.

"Yeah, you're about as interesting as a block of ice," Lullaby interjects.

Natsu and Gray were both silent.

"I was going to say that he's not the best conversationalist," Natsu reveals.

"Oh," Gray says.

"Yeah," Natsu replies.

"It's not like that's false," Happy appears to add.

"Shut up," Gray says. "I can be a good conversationalist."

"Not usually," Natsu argues. "You're kinda cold sometimes."

"And you're hotheaded," Gray counters.

"It's not like that's false," Happy repeats.

"And yeah," Natsu admits. "That's true."

"You are both horrible conversationalist if this is all you guys fucking talk about," Lullaby says.

Silence follows.

"You know maybe it would do you some good to warm up a bit and be more open," Natsu picks up.

"What are you? A fucking therapist?" Lullaby asks.

"I was going to say the same," Gray agrees.

"Do not agree with me," Lullaby snaps.

"Alright," Gray backs off.

It's silent again.

"You're not the best conversationalist either Lullaby," Happy points out.

"I am a fucking tank what do you expect," Lullaby argues.

"I don't know. I've never met a tank before," Happy reveals.

"Then shut up," Lullaby answers.

"Alright," Happy agrees.

Silence.

"This is stupid," Gray says.

"I actually agree," Natsu adds.

"You're both fucking stupid," Lullaby interjects.

"Why don't you just go back to reversing whatever Erza did to you?" Gray challenges.

"What makes you think I already haven't?" Lullaby asks.

"Well because you're just an AI and what Erza did to you was physical," Gray argues.

"There's overrides," Lullaby boasts.

"To reverse whatever Erza did to you?" Natsu asks.

"You don't even know what she did to me!" Lullaby says. "Which proves that you're both fucking idiots."

Silence, followed by the growing noise of polka music.

"Wait," Gray stops. "Do you hear that?"

"Was it the sound of you thinking? Because all I hear was farting noises," Lullaby insults.

"That was weak," Natsu says.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Is that polka music?" Lucy asks, rejoining the conversation.

"Blues!" Loke says. "Lucy, go get Erza!"

"Take the sniper rifle," Lucy hands the gun over before heading into the base.

"Now give me the rifle!" Natsu and Gray say at the same time.

"Hell no," Loke replies.

"Are you really going to fight over the trivial sniper rifle as your enemies attack?" Lullaby asks. "You guys are stupider that I expected!"

"Shut up!" all three men shout.

The polka music increases until the Blues roll up in their Warthog, with some of their members following on foot. Laxus stands up in his seat, and waits for the polka music to turn off. When it does, he shouts, "Return our tank or else we'll fuck you up!"


	11. 5-2: Blue: Lullaby the Rude Tank Engine

Sorry about not updating on Wednesday, I forgot. I don't have school on Tuesday so I'll update with chapter 6.1 then. Sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm not sorry for anything that happens in this chapter.

* * *

"Return our tank or else we'll fuck you up!"

"Is that really all you have to say?" Mira hisses.

Laxus ignores her. She may have been driving, but he was still the leader. Behind him in the Warthog is Cana, and on foot in the back is Gajeel, Juvia, and Elfman.

"I doubt you can fuck us up!" Natsu shouts.

"Wanna see us try!" Gajeel shouts.

"Shut up," Laxus whips around to hiss, before turning back to the Red base.

"No! Not really!" Natsu admits.

"Then hand over the tank!" Laxus shouts.

"No!" Gray answers this time.

"We out number you!" Laxus argues.

"Yeah, but Erza counts for like, three soldiers!" Natsu shouts back.

"Told you," Mira says. Laxus ignores her.

"In regular numbers not factoring in strength we out number you!" Laxus shouts.

"Real threatening," Cana comments. Laxus ignores her.

"We have the tank!" Gray says as he gestures to the tank.

"Like I'm going to work for you fuck heads!" Lullaby argues.

"Shut up you can't move!" Gray replies.

"What do you mean it can't move!" Laxus asks.

"Erza did this thing to it," Natsu explains. "And now he can't move."

"I've reversed it!" Lullaby claims.

"No you haven't!" Gray says.

"Look can we just get on with this!?" Cana asks.

"We're going to take the tank even if it can't move!" Laxus says.

"You gonna hook it up to the back of your Warthog?" Natsu teases.

"Whatever, Gajeel can probably reverse it!" Laxus argues.

"Or I could just use my magnetism," Gajeel says.

"Yeah, do that," Laxus agrees.

"Did you guys says something we could hear you!" Natsu shouts.

"No! Nothing!" Laxus replies.

"Liars!" Natsu claims.

"Slander!" Gajeel shouts back.

"Why don't you just fuck off!" Gray shouts.

"How about no?!" Gajeel shouts. He turns to Laxus, "Can we fire now?"

"When I say," Laxus replies. He turns to the Red team, "If you don't give it up in the count of three, we'll fire!"

"I dare you too!" Natsu shouts. Gray hits him on the back of the head for that.

"Fine!" Laxus takes him up. "One!"

"Oh shit he's actually doing it," Natsu says.

"Two!"

"Where the fuck is Erza?" Gray asks.

"The hell if I know!" Natsu replies.

"Three!"

The Blue team begins to fire, and the Red team shoots back. Natsu and Gray take cover behind the tank wheels, and Loke moves behind one of the pikes on the roof.

"Forward!" Laxus calls. The Blues slowly move forward as the Reds continue to shoot back. Laxus continues to shout encouragement, "C'mon on guys! You aren't Stormtroopers! Hit something!"

"Really?" Mira asks, though she doesn't stop firing.

"Yeah," Laxus replies.

"Laxus!" the angry cry comes from the roof, and Erza walks out with the new solider in yellow armor following her. She's carrying what looks like a machine gun, and hides behind one of the pikes. "You aren't getting the tank!"

"Try me!" Laxus shouts. Erza fires, directly at the Warthog. Mira manages to get it out of the way, but Cana falls off the back. Cana gets back up quick, but while the Warthog is recovered, Loke shoots out one of the tires.

"Dammit," Laxus swears.

"I'm gonna have ta fix that!" Gajeel growls. At his angle, Loke's far enough out for him to get a good shot. Gajeel shoots, and Loke falls back.

"Loke!" Erza shouts, and the soldier in yellow armor gasps. They run over to him, and no one fires.

"You fucking killed Loke!" Natsu shouts. Gray runs inside during the pause of fire.

"Get the tank!" Laxus shouts as the Red team scrambles to help their member. Cana covers Elfman as he runs for the tank, keeping Natsu busy as he slowly backs toward the entrance. Elfman manages to start the tank and begins to drive away.

"Retreat!" Laxus shouts. The Blue team falls back with the tank now theirs.


	12. 6-1: Red: Loke the Friendly Ghost

Lucy and Erza rush over to Loke's body. Erza presses two of her fingers to Loke's neck. Gray rushes up to the top of the building when Laxus shouts retreat and the Blues run back to their base victorious.

Lucy and Gray look at Erza worriedly. Erza removes her hands and look between the two, "He's dead."

"No," Gray growls.

"Those fucking bastards!" Natsu exclaims as he joins everyone on the roof. "They actually killed someone!"

"This is war Natsu," Erza said seriously.

"But no one's ever died!" Natsu shouts. "And over a fucking tank!"

"Who shot him?" Gray asks seriously.

"Looked like Gajeel," Lucy says.

"I'm gonna fuck him up," Gray says, loading his gun.

"Now what are we going to do?" Natsu asks. "They took Loke and the tank!"

"We'll hurt them for hurting our comrades," Gray says.

"This'll just go on as long as we keep on fighting over the tank," Erza answers. "We will avenge Loke's death, but not now. We're weaker at the moment, we're down one man, and we don't have any vehicles. We'll take time to regroup and then we'll go after them for Loke."

"Uh guys? I'm right here?"

Everyone looks to the other side of the roof, where a transparent Loke stands. They just stare through the clear Loke figure.

"Are you all okay?" he asks.

"YOU JUST FUCKING DIED!" Natsu shouts.

"And I guess I'm a ghost now," Loke says. No one else moves. "Do you think girls will still date a ghost?"

Gray slams his palm into his helmet, "God dammit."

"How are you a ghost!?" Lucy asks.

"I . . . guess I'm not ready to move on? I didn't see a light or anything, I was just back here, so I guess that means that I still have work left to do here, like getting revenge on the Blues for killing me or something like that," Loke replies. "But seriously, do you think girls will still date a ghost?"

Happy appears, "No."

"Dammit," Loke swears.

"So since you're still dead, I'll have to report this into Red Command," Erza says.

Loke walks over, "I'm fine with that. I can't do much as a ghost."

"Can you still stick your ghost dick in Gray's ass?" Natsu asks. Gray nails Natsu in the stomach with the butt of his gun and Natsu crumples on the ground. Lucy would ask what that's about, but she really doesn't want to know what was going on between Loke and Gray.

Loke shrugs.

"Moving on," Gray announces. "Are we going to try and get the tank back?"

"No, like I said we don't have enough resources," Erza repeats. "For now, I guess we'll bury Loke's body."

"Uh," Natsu gets up and turns around. "Where's Loke's body?"

The rest of the Red team turns around. Where Loke's dead body once was, was now empty, almost like his body just got up and walked off.

"Where the fuck is my body?" Loke asks.

"It must've been those asshole Blues," Natsu's quick to place the blame. "Just killing you must have not been enough, they all had to steal your body!"

"Then that must be why I'm still around," Loke says. "We have to get back my body!"

"So what? You've been saying it Erza, we don't have enough power," Gray reminds.

"Then we'll just go back and politely ask them to return your body," Erza says.

There's a small moment of silence before Natsu asks, ". . . Are you being sarcastic?"

"No," Erza replies.

"Obvious, you're never sarcastic," Natsu mumbles.

"They're committing a disgusting crime, and should have had enough respect to leave his body as it was. We'll ask them to return his body a final respect. It's not like we're asking them for the tank," Erza says.

"And Loke can always haunt them until they return their body," Happy adds.

"Oo, right," Loke agrees. "Being a ghost is pretty cool."

"Except you can't pick up chicks," Happy adds.

"And you can't fuck Gray in the ass anymore," Natsu adds in a low voice. Gray hits him with the butt of his gun in the gut again. Natsu doubles over, but doesn't fall this time. Natsu hisses, "Fuck you Gray."

"Let's move out," Erza announces.

"All of us?" Lucy asks.

"There's only four of us who have physical bodies," Erza answers. "So we'll need everyone."

"That's racist," Happy says. "Against AI's and ghosts."

"She does have a point," Loke argues.

"Still," Happy continues.

"You don't have a body," Natsu says. "You can't fight back."

"Racist!" Happy repeats.

"Then that's settled," Erza finishes. "Let's move out."


	13. 6-2: Blue: Loke the Friendly Ghost

The Blue team successfully rides the tank back to the base, but the Warthog is a little worse for wear.

"I'll have to replace the tire," Gajeel sighs, inspecting the damage. "And the right door."

"You don't have to rush," Laxus says. "We have the tank for now, meaning we have the upper hand."

"The warthog's still easier to drive," Mira says. "And it doesn't have a cranky AI in it."

"Speaking of the AI," Cana says and turns to Elfman as he hops out of the tank. "How was driving with that thing yelling at you?"

"Didn't hear anything," Elfman admits. "Almost like he wasn't there."

"Maybe he finally took a clue and shut the fuck up," Gajeel says.

"Juvia feels like Lullaby would have something to say about that," Juvia sighs.

"Juvia's right," Laxus agrees. "Lullaby hates your guts."

"So?" Gajeel asks.

Laxus doesn't say anything, but walks past Elfman and climbs into the tank. He begins to mess with the controls, without moving. there's nothing from Lullaby as Laxus fiddles with the controls. Laxus jumps over and delivers a swift kick to the side of the tank, leaving a small dent. He turns to face his team, "He's gone."

"You just dented the tank," Gajeel points out.

"That's not the point," Laxus growls.

"What? Somehow we don't have Lullaby anymore?" Mira asks. "Considering how rude he was, I don't see it as much of a lose."

"And where could he have gone?" Elfman asks.

"The Reds probably have him," Laxus growls.

"Isn't that in our favor?" Cana asks.

"What if Blue Command ever comes by?" Laxus asks. "What are they going to see when they see our tank without the AI?"

"It doesn't have a car radio anymore either," Mira points out.

"It's an injustice to us, they still have one piece of our tank," Laxus tries to explain.

"Shouldn't we stop while we're ahead?" Cana asks. "I mean, we have the tank, I'm pretty sure Gajeel killed one of the Reds guys-"

"Not guilty," Gajeel says.

"So why try to get back a stupid AI that was an asshole in the first place?" Cana asks.

"I'm with her," Mira agrees.

"Makes the most sense," Juvia adds.

"I'm more worried about Blue Command has to say than the Red Team," Laxus says.

"Why? Because your grandfather's there?" Mira asks. Laxus doesn't say anything.

"I'm pretty sure that your grandfather wouldn't care about some pissy AI," Cana adds.

"We're getting it back," Laxus decides. "And that's final."

"So what are going to do?" Mira challenges. "Fight them again?"

"We did just kill one of their guys, so they're weak," Cana points out.

"I'm pretty sure he's not dead and the Reds were just overreacting," Gajeel argues.

"We'll ask them first to stop any more bloodshed," Laxus decides.

"They're all going to be pissed," Cana continues.

"So we'll be prepared," Laxus growls. "Let's get ready to move out."


	14. 7-1: Red: Body Snatchers

"So wait," Natsu begins to question as Red team walks through the canyon. "How was the tank even able to move?"

"What do you mean?" Lucy replies.

"Well, Erza did that thing to it to make it not able to move," Natsu begins.

"Right," Lucy agrees.

"But the Blues just drove it away," Natsu points out.

"Yes," Lucy says.

"So how was it able to move?" Natsu asks.

"Maybe Lullaby actually did reverse the thing Erza did," Gray replies.

"But how?" Natsu continues to question.

"I don't really care," Loke admits.

"Why are you even walking?" Natsu then asks.

"What?" Loke stops.

"You're walking. You're a ghost. Shouldn't you just be floating?" Natsu asks.

"What is this? Shower thoughts with Natsu?" Gray asks.

"These are legit questions Gray," Natsu insists.

"I don't think it really matters Natsu," Loke replies. He begins to walk again at the same pace with the rest of the team.

"It's alright to be curious," Lucy tells Natsu.

"Curiosity killed the cat," Gray interjects.

"Satisfaction brought it back," Lucy replies.

"Oo snap!" Natsu says. Gray grumbles something that sounds like 'damn English major', but he doesn't get to finish because he runs right into Erza's arm.

"Be on alert!" Erza announces, leaving her arm extended to stop the forward movement. "Blue Team on the horizon!"

Lucy peers over Erza's arms to see all six blue clad soldiers walk across the floor of the Canyon just like them.

"What are they doing?" Natsu asks. "Do they want to kill Loke again?"

"If they do I'm going to haunt them so hard," Loke swears.

"Let's just be careful," Erza decides. "And let _me_ do the talking."

Gray and Natsu shrug, knowing that that's fair.

Erza continues the march forwards, the rest of the team following closely. They stop a few feet away from the Blue team, who stop as well.

"What brings you back out?" Erza asks.

"I could say the same," Laxus replies.

"Uh, why is that guy clear?" Cana asks, pointing at Loke.

"Because you guys killed me, and now I'm a ghost!" Loke says.

Cana turns to Gajeel, "I told you, you killed him."

"There's no proof," Gajeel argues.

"I saw you kill me," Loke says.

"No proof," Gajeel repeats.

"So what are you planning? Revenge?" Laxus asks. "You only have four able soldiers, we out number you."

"Erza counts as three," Natsu mumbles loud enough for everyone to hear.

"And we have the tank," Laxus adds.

"We know that," Erza replies. "We were coming over to ask you to peacefully return Loke's body."

"What?" Laxus questions.

"Loke's dead body went missing from the roof, and the only other people in the canyon are your team, and since you killed him and have a grudge against our team, it's only logical that you took his body," Erza explains.

"Well, we don't have it," Laxus says. "And accusing us of stealing a dead body after you stole our AI? Despicable."

"Who are you? Daffy Duck?" Natsu taunts. Erza raises her hand and stops him before he continues.

"We do not have your AI," Erza states. "He was in the tank."

"But now he's not," Laxus argues.

"Why would we even want the AI?" Gray argues. "He was an asshole."

"That was what I was saying," Mira says.

"Don't agree with the enemy team!" Gajeel bursts.

"Shut up," Laxus growls. "Look, just give us back the AI."

"We don't have it," Erza replies. "And give us back our teammate's dead body."

"Even if we had your teammate's dead body, which we don't, we wouldn't give him back until you gave us back the AI," Laxus says.

"Same for us," Erza replies.

They glare at each other through their visors, angry stares drawn to each other like magnets. They only broke apart when Loke spoke up.

"If you don't give us back my dead body I'm going to haunt your entire team for the rest of time," Loke threatens.

"It's not like you can do much even if you were haunting us," Cana points out. "You're just a ghost-you can't touch us."

"He could leave ectoslime over all your belongings," Natsu points out.

"In like Ghostbusters?" Gajeel questions. "That's just a movie!"

"Give us the body back," Erza cuts the conversation off, and glares at Laxus again. "We didn't steal your AI."

"Give us the AI," Laxus replies. "We didn't steal the body."

"It's not like the body just walked off on its own," Erza argues.

"It's not like the AI just uninstalled itself from the tank," Laxus counters.

A lightbulb goes off in Lucy's head, "But what if it did?"

"Huh?" both teams look at her.

"Natsu, you were talking about how the tank was able to move even though Erza stopped it," Lucy begins.

"Yeah," Natsu agrees.

"And the AI kept on talking about he was going to reverse it, and he was able to, as evidence by the tank being able to move," Lucy continues. "So what if it was able to move itself from the tank?"

"Where would it go?" Gray questions.

"Why are we even talkin' about this?" Gajeel asks. "I thought we were arguin'?"

"Yeah, and what about my body?" Loke asks. "It's not like it just walked off on its own!"

"But it did."

Both teams turns to face a soldier wearing the exact same armor as Loke, and since Loke's body is gone it is safe to presume that the soldier is probably using it somehow. They're carrying one of Erza's guns and a grenade launcher, presumably from the Blue base since the Reds don't have a grenade launcher after the robot incident. Behind him, the tank is moving on its own following the soldier. The solider continues to talk, using Lullaby's voice.

"You've all played right into my trap."


End file.
